


Keys to the Kingdom

by DownInTheGutter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Codependency, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt not much comfort, M/M, Mark of Cain, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 16:47:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3389051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownInTheGutter/pseuds/DownInTheGutter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being by Dean’s side at his worst is the least he can do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keys to the Kingdom

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure where did this come from, I love both of the boys and I want them to be happy.  
> Especially now that they’ve actually started to be nice to each other, too. Oh, well.
> 
> Violence up ahead. Dean beating Sam up is what it is.  
> It’s Sam’s POV and he’s got terrible self-esteem.
> 
> Title from an awesome song by Motörhead.

They both pretend everything’s fine in the beginning.

They’re smiling and acting like it’s all going to be okay.

They both know it’s an act, obviously, but when has _that_ ever stopped either of them.

It’s good, though. Great, really. Considering their spotty record with talking, and support, and understanding, that’s _progress_.

They’re actually communicating, for the first time in forever, and not hiding anything (well, at least not too much, so that’s as good as it gets), and they’re being nice to each other, and it’s great.

At least that’s what Sam has been telling himself for the past few weeks.

They’re spending time together and laughing at each other’s stupid jokes and bickering like in the old times and everything’s fine.

Until Dean can’t control it anymore.

Dean was doing his best to pretend he’s got it all under control, Sam knows he was. I’m good, he said. Don’t worry about it, Sammy. I’m fine, dude, will you stop hovering over me, seriously.

But, well, after a while Dean can’t pretend anymore.

Sam tries to give him a reasonable amount of space, he does. But, really, how much _space_ can you allow when your brother might just turn into an uncaring killing machine at a moment’s notice.

Dean tries to get away from him as soon as it gets worse, and, no, it’s not the right thing to do. Being alone with stuff like that does not help, not ever, and he’s speaking from experience. The experience he’d rather not have.

So Sam goes after him, just to make sure he’s okay. To make sure he doesn’t leave. To make sure he’s not going to do something he’s going to regret, because God knows there are too many things Dean regrets already.

Dean tells him to get away, every single time. He never does. Every time Dean says it, he just gets into his personal space and stays there until Dean puts his arms around him.

Sam tries to say all the right things during moments like that. It’s okay, we can work it out. It’s going to be fine, Dean, as long as we’re in it together. Everything is going to be okay.

Until it isn’t.

The thing they’ve got going changes at some point.

There’s the one time when Dean tells him to leave him alone, as usual, and he stays with him, as usual.

This time Dean’s practically begging him to leave, and it feels awful to disrespect that, but it’s the right thing to do, so he stands his ground.

This time Dean punches him. Hard. He does that again and again until Sam is lying on the floor with a broken nose. One of his teeth might be broken, too. Hopefully not.

Afterwards Dean says he’s sorry. So, so sorry.

It’s fine, though. It’s not like it’s the first punch any of them threw.

But then, well.

It becomes kind of a regular thing.

Dean tries to avoid being near him even harder after that first time and that’s the opposite of what they want. So Sam goes to him, again, every single time.

He doesn’t leave him alone for more than five minutes. Because who know what is he going to do.

The problem is, Dean just _really_ can’t control it anymore.

He gets angry, tries to leave, Sam doesn’t let him.

It usually starts with a shove to get Sam out of the way, ends with Sam lying on the floor with a mangled face and bruised ribs.

Sam stops him from leaving, because if he gets out of the bunker in a state like that he’s going to hurt innocent people, that’s a given, and he just can’t let that happen. Dean wouldn’t want that either. So he stays by Dean’s side, and, well, things happen.

If he’s got to take it out on anyone, better him than other people.

He takes the punches and the kicks and tells Dean it’s okay afterwards, because he knows Dean would kill himself over the regrets in a second if that didn't mean he’d come back as a demon. Pilling up the guilt is not going to help any.

After two weeks he’s got his arm broken again. Left one, this time. Here’s to change.

It’s not like it hurts that much, really. They’ve both been trained out of feeling pain a long time ago. Most of the time, anyway.

At least he’s not killing people.

When Dean gets back to himself, he looks like he’d rather be dead. Every single time. He said it, too. Once. But that just can’t happen. He’s not losing Dean, not again, not _ever_ again.

He knows that something is very, very wrong, he does. When it happens, it’s not actually Dean. It’s the Mark. And Dean knows that too. So there’s no point in addressing it.

He knows it’s not okay. But what is he supposed to do, exactly.

They’ve both died and came back and left and came back. It took him years to finally understand that what matters is being together.

If they are ever going to get through this, to end this, they are doing it together.

He’s made so many mistakes. All the times he's run away and tried to get a different life. The time when Dean was in Purgatory. Stanford. Every other time he thought he should get away. Every time he thought he actually wanted to get away. It just couldn’t work.

They’ve both tried, but they can’t stay away from each other either.

There’s always been too much resentment and blame and hurtful words and punches between them. Not nearly enough support.

He's said some terrible things. They never talked about that either.

So, well. He owes Dean, for that, and for everything. Being by Dean’s side at his worst is the least he can do.

They’ve hurt each other so many times he couldn’t keep count even if he tried.

So he washes the blood off his face and changes his stained clothes before he lets Dean see him again, every time.

It’s _kind of_ under control until it’s not.

Dean usually stops when he says, or yells, his name a couple of times. Gets back to himself.

Not this time.

This time Dean is really hurting him, and he usually just takes it, but it’s going on for longer than it ever did and something is just seriously wrong. Dean doesn’t even blink when he’s calling out his name, and it always pulled him back, before.

He puts his one working arm up to defend himself, because neither of them wants it to go too far, but it doesn’t really work. Dean ( _not Dean_ , it’s the Mark) just wrenches it away and keeps on throwing punches and kicks. He might have a rib, or two, or ten broken. He can’t really breathe anymore.

He tries to run, then crawl away, but it doesn’t work, either.

The last thing he remembers is Dean putting a hand around his throat and tightening his grip until he knows he’s about to die and no amount of struggling helps.

When he wakes up he’s in a hospital bed.

Dean’s sitting by his side. He looks like he was crying.

Nothing hurts, actually. He’s feeling great. Might be the morphine.

Dean looks like he might start crying again when he sees Sam’s awake.

He tells Dean it’s alright and takes Dean’s hand in his. It really is alright.

Dean wrenches his hand away, grabs his jacket and runs out, but Sam isn’t worried, because he knows he’s going to come back. They always come back to each other. They just can’t get away, really.

Dean doesn’t come back for hours and all that’s left to do for him is to stare at the wall and think.

He thinks about the Bible, about Cain and Abel, and how God loved Abel more, and how Cain hated him for that. It doesn’t really apply to them, does it.

Dean told him Cain had a different version. A version where he tried to save his brother from eternal damnation and sacrificed himself in the process. Now that’s fitting.

Dean comes back to him in the evening. It’s nice.

After two more days in the hospital and one visit from a police officer later (no, I didn’t know the assailants, sir, can’t remember what happened), they get back home.

As he’s lying in bed with Dean snoring on his shoulder he’s wondering when Dean is going to kill him.


End file.
